Everyone Else Is Sorted. But What If You Don't Know What You Want?
Hi friend,
Uggh…that empty seat in the car.
There’s something about that moment after you drop your child at college and drive away. You spend nearly 19 years getting them ready to leave. And then one day, you pull out of the parking lot and realize you can hear your own thoughts again.
I’m not quite there with all of mine. My oldest is already in college, my second son is taking a gap year before he leaves next year (phew but will be hitting the road exploring), and I still have a 9th grader very much at home.
But I can feel things changing. And September seems to make those changes more obvious.
Kids go back to school. Some leave for college. Summer ends. Work ramps back up. Everyone seems to be heading somewhere.
And it got me thinking...
What about us?
Not just mothers sending children off to college. Maybe your kids are still at home. Maybe they’re grown. Maybe you don’t have children at all. Because I think there’s something bigger going on for a lot of women at this stage of life.
We’ve spent years building careers, raising families, supporting partners, caring for parents, managing homes, showing up for friends, being the person people can count on.
Our attention has been pulled outward for a very long time. And then something starts to shift.
Maybe there’s suddenly more space. Or maybe there isn’t any more space at all, but you’re realizing you want to start claiming some anyway. That’s the part I’m driven by. Because it’s incredibly easy to fill every available inch again. More work. More responsibilities. More helping. More doing.
But what if we didn’t?
What if some of that attention started coming back to us? Maybe it’s our turn too..
My 2 cents
September isn’t only about everyone else getting back to their lives. It’s a chance to come back to yours. I don’t think we suddenly wake up one morning and realize we’ve lost touch with ourselves.
I think it happens quietly.
We become so used to asking:
What do they need?
Where do they need to be?
How can I help?
What needs to get done?
That somewhere along the way, we stop asking some pretty basic questions about ourselves.
What do I need and want?
What am I excited about now?
And maybe the biggest one...
Who am I now?
Not who I was 5 or 10 years ago. we don’t want to go backwards. And not only mum, partner, employee, daughter, friend, caregiver or the person everyone can rely on.
I have conversations with women every week who know something needs to shift, but they can’t quite name what. They just know they want more.
More purpose, energy, fun, meaning…more of themselves in their own lives.
And I don’t think the answer is necessarily some enormous reinvention. You don’t need to quit your job, move countries or suddenly know exactly what you want the next 5 years to look like.
Start smaller. Start paying attention to yourself again. Because whether some space has opened up in your life or you’re going to have to deliberately make it...
I don’t want us to automatically give it away.
3 WAYS TO START COMING BACK TO YOU
1. NOTICE WHAT YOU KEEP DISMISSING
That thought that keeps coming back.
I’d love to...
I miss...
I’ve always wanted to...
I wish I had more..
And then comes: I don’t have time. That’s unrealistic. Maybe later.
Before you dismiss it, just notice it.
What keeps getting your attention?
What gives you energy?
What are you jealous of? Yes, even that.
There are clues in there.
2. UPDATE WHAT YOU THINK YOU WANT
What matters more now?
What matters less?
What have you outgrown?
Sometimes we're still making choices for a version of ourselves that doesn't completely exist anymore.
You're allowed to change the brief.
3. MOVE BEFORE YOU KNOW
This is the one I come back to again and again with my clients. Stop waiting to be completely clear before you do anything.
Send the email. Research the idea. Have the conversation. Go to the event. Talk to someone doing something that interests you. Try the thing. Then pay attention.
Did it energize you?
Did you want more?
Did you discover it's absolutely not for you?
All of it is useful information.
Clarity very rarely arrives while we're sitting around waiting for it. We learn what we want by moving toward things, trying them, noticing what happens and choosing the next step. One move. Start there.
Why This Matters
When a woman tells me “I don’t know what I want,” I rarely believe there’s nothing there.
Usually, as we start talking, things come out.
She misses feeling challenged.
She keeps thinking about an idea but dismisses it as unrealistic.
She envies a friend who has more freedom.
She knows she’s done with something, but has no idea what replaces it.
She wants more creativity, impact, independence, connection, fun...but none of it feels like a clear enough “answer.”
That’s the mistake. We’re looking for an answer when there are already clues everywhere.
The things you miss. What you envy. What gives you energy. What you’re completely done with. The thought that keeps coming back even after you’ve talked yourself out of it.
Pay attention to those. They’re telling you more than “I don’t know”
Catalyst Prompt
I want you to sit with this:
If no one else had an opinion, what would I want and do?
Give yourself 5 minutes before you bring in money, kids, partner, parents, age or what looks sensible.
What would you want more of?
What would you stop doing?
What would you finally let yourself explore?
Just notice what comes up before you explain
why you can't.
Stay curious.
1. CATCH ONE “SHOULD”
I should stay. I should be grateful. I should know…
Catch 1 this week and ask: Do I actually believe that?
2. FOLLOW ONE ENVY
Yep, envy. Who has something you find yourself wanting?
Instead of feeling bad about it, get interested:
What does she have that I want more of in my own life?
There's a clue.
3. PUT TIME OR $ BEHIND ONE CURIOSITY
Pick one thing you keep wondering about and give it an hour or $50.
Try the class. Buy the ticket. Ask for the coffee. Go see for yourself.
Was there something there?
Get your curiosity out of your head and into your life.
3 Micro Moves
Catalyst Experiences
Come Alive: Your Body, Your Life & What Comes Next
Maybe you’ve noticed it: what used to work doesn’t anymore. Not just with your body and energy, but with what motivates you, what you’re willing to tolerate, and what you want from your life.
And it can leave you asking:
What do I actually want now?
I’m teaming up with Midlife Health Coach and Menopause Educator Karen Cerezo for a live, 90-minute immersive experience to explore what you need now, what matters, and where you have more choice in what comes next.
You’ll leave with your own Midlife Compass and one concrete step to act on with accountability.
March 5th | 10:30 AM–12 PM PT | Live Online
DM if you want to join the waitlist.
A Closing Note
If you still don't know exactly what you want, don't make that mean there's something wrong. You might just need to start paying attention differently.
To what gives you energy.
What you envy.
What you keep thinking about.
What you've outgrown.
What you're curious enough to try.
Then move toward one of those things and see what happens. You can change your mind. You can decide something isn't for you. You can try something else. It's not set in stone.
This is exploration.
And please...have some fun with it. Tell me what it is and I can be your accountability partner.
If there’s a woman in your life who keeps saying, “I just don’t know what I want anymore,” send this to her.
Chances are, she needs to know she's not the only one figuring it out.
With you in it,
Lucy
P.S. If this landed, you’re not alone. So many women are sitting in this exact space right now. And sometimes one honest step is all it takes. Please share.
P.S.S. How I Can Support You
If “I don't know what I want” has had you circling for months, this is exactly where we can start.
→ Start with a 30min Fit Call
We’ll name exactly where you are, what’s keeping you stuck, what needs to shift and if I am the right support for you.
→ Next Chapter Roadmap (90min 1:1 intensive)
Deep dive to cut through the noise and map your next step
→ 1:1 Coaching (Next Chapter Catalyst)
Where we build real, lasting change - with support and accountability